ADAM JOHN ROBERTS

Another observer felt quite detached watching me. Although they enjoyed watching my body move, they were not clear on what I was trying to communicate to them. In my conversation with them, I clearly explained what I was trying to investigate and what interested me. But the observer did not see this translated in what I shared with them. The use of gesture was interesting, but again, the observer did not know what anything represented or meant. Perhaps there could have been a way I could build upon the gestural work to develop and build movements from the original gesture such as developing a series of motifs that develop from the original gestures.

 

Further questions were, “Who is your audience for your work? What do you want them to understand as a result of watching your piece?”

 

“Why are you making the work? What do you want this piece of art to communicate?”

 

“Which parts feel poignant to you? How can you make those clearer for an audience?”

 

“How can you let us as an audience into your world?”

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Prioritizing the LGBT community, the issue I wanted to raise was how one feels that homosexuals who also identify as ‘autistic’ feel socially unaccepted within that society not because of sexual orientation, but their invisible disability, judging from my own experience. Outcast was also for anyone who feels the same experience by being in a similar position. It was a poignant piece and I wanted the audience to see, feel and be that poignancy with me by watching. The aim was to raise autism awareness further for those who remain unfamiliar with the condition and its theories.

 

Autism is a lifelong cognitive disability, affecting how somebody makes sense of the world and communicates with people around them. Autism impacts social interaction, communication, personal interests and behaviour. Over the years, gay rights have dramatically improved, however members of the LGBTQIA+ community still face political challenges, including discrimination and stigma, daily. But for someone diagnosed with autism, it can be 10 (if not, 100) times harder as being a homosexual or bisexual can bring more challenges (Fearn, 2018).

 

The other personal issue of making this work was to reignite the failed friendships between me and too few members of the LGBT community. I wanted this piece of art to tell our story in the form of a solo dance work. As a work-in-progress, Outcast already illustrated some narrative in some respects as according to its feedback from recent platforms and it was a powerful performance charged with emotion. People said that the story told through movement was great, the creation of language was beautiful, bold and enjoyable, and there was a lot of emotion. Most importantly, it spoke a lot about autism awareness. But what was beautifully bold about the creation of language? Why should it have been enjoyable to watch, should there not have to have been an enjoyment?

 

This piece was gestural with influences by BSL which could be used as a choreographic strategy for finding new motifs although that may be obvious to the observer. In terms of clarifying the meaning behind these gestures, I felt inclined to mystify them. But how? It felt like the first half of Outcast was more poignant than the latter half. Specifically, there were select gestures which represented fright, secrecy, exposure, panic (or insecurity), friendship, separation, ‘insane in the brain’ madness and misery. Other than that, it identified an individual movement style which looked experimental. If that was also how I wanted the choreographic style of this piece to be, albeit. Did I want it to be poignant after all? What exactly is poignancy?

 

I think I was already immersing the onlooker into my world by just being myself. As it stands, there was already that invisible fourth wall between the performer and the audience who were not yet emphasizing what it’s like to be me. Visualize yourself at a carnival festival that is shared with members of the community who identify as gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender and they are attending that event for a social gathering. A part of me still wants to alienate those who do not consider themselves as theatregoers or whoever wants to watch me dance about it.